>I never knew what a loaded topic having children is: how much advice I would get – solicited and non, how invested other people would be in my decision, how difficult it would be to muddle through.
But then bringing a human being into this world is no small thing, so I guess it’s right that deciding to do it should be no small thing, either.
And here is where I’ve landed – I definitely want another one. But now is not the time.
I know – I already hear and have heard it – there’s never a “right” time, you will never regret having children but you might regret not having them, it’s better to have them closer together.
I’ve mulled it. And here’s the thing: there may not be a “right” time, but there’s a wrong time. And I do think that I might regret it if I had one now – not regret the child, but the timing. Because it’s a time where things are tenuous. Because my hubby and I would go on seeing little to nothing of each other – but even less than the little we do now. It could be our undoing, as a couple. It could be our undoing financially. And, really, having kids close together is no guarantee that they’ll be close. They could be six years apart and be as close knit as they come, like my little brother and I are.
So. There you have it.
My heart feels resolved, not so tender and vulnerable and worn; the snow globe of my thoughts has settled into a peace that embraces my soul. That’s the decision, and it’s right.
And for those of you who listened to my heart speak and repeated back to me what you heard it saying – thank you. I hope I can do the same thing for you when you need it.